You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
