I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
