I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just found puke in my bra..
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
