You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
