im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He felt like a one man threesome
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
