he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
