The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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