She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
