Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
