the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We had sex on a dog bed..
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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