jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
