last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
