call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
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At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
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I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize