it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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