You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
