dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
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I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
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I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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