evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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