My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
