I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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