these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
