Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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