They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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