Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
