well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
