Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize