life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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