how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
