sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
