Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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