I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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