I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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