Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He? As in you personified your dick?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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