Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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