I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
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She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
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I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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