No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
