i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i've created a new STD.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
