Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
