Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
