I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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