how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
