so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
