There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
