In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
