Got a toothbrush?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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