just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
