I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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