By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
