He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
