Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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