I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
