i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
