happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
