I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
