That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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