She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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