I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
she looked like the before picture.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
