Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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