This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
