i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
