chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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