Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
